My mama used to tell me “T never lose yourself in the midst of raising kids because one day they will be gone and you will be left picking up the pieces of your emptiness.” I have raised kids for the past 30 years and now there are only two teenagers left at home, and my mother’s words are coming to life. I should have listened but I did not. Today’s teens are so different than they used to be, they have their phones, electronics, and those things become their family, their reason for existence and their parents become lost in the shuffle. There are days like today I am left wondering what I did wrong, or if I should just get a life and stop trying so hard to be the parent they do not want, right now. I do not know how many times I have heard I do not need you all up in my business, or I do not want to talk about it, or not be included in the little things in life. People tell me it is a phase and they will grow out of it, but do they really? I try not to take it personally but some days it is harder than others. If you have teens how do you handle the silence or the time to get a life, or pick up the pieces of the emptiness?
Tag Archives: teens
A Thousand Pieces
It is so hard as a single parent to do everything you possibly can do to raise you children right in a world that is upside down. I have five girls and the youngest one has always been my challenge. I adopted her at birth, and never hid the fact she was adopted because I did not want to ever lie to her and have her hate me when she found out the truth. Over the years she has been diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, Attachment Disorder, etc. She is a straight “A” student.. however her friend choice not so good. I never have been more glad that school was coming to an end. Defiant, hanging around a 17 year old freshman in high school who puts weed in his mask, a group of kids that have been talking about hurting me because of her behavior she is not allowed to go out and hang with them very often or have her cell phone. Found that she was starting to dabble into cutting, and loves to wear emo clothing. (yes she restarts therapy this coming week) I guess I just do not understand what drives kids now a days to even think about hurting themselves or someone else. I also do not understand why she hates me for adopting her. Either way she would have hated me so in this situation I still would have lost. Have any of you been through this? I am so lost and hurt…I feel like I have to watch my back, hard to sleep at night wondering what her and her friends are plotting. Right now she is without electronics until after she sees a therapist. My heart is shattered into a thousand pieces, bleeding a slow bleed surrounded by fear…
Teens today are having a major identity crisis. Raising three teens, my heart aches for them because even though as a parent you tell them how beautiful they are, or how proud of them you are but the world degrades them in so many ways. Take a look below. Some people say it is because both parents have to work outside of the home, some say the amount of time they spend on social media, others, lack of face to face relationships. The numbers continue to rise through the pandemic. My teens have often have said no one appreciates our thoughts and ideas anymore, we are thrown together with labels and not looked at as a person. Some of their friends were forced to fend for themselves at a young age. How as community of parents build our teens up and get them past the funk they are in? I learned one important thing is sometimes all they want to be is heard. I want to encourage you today if you have teens, take time everyday and engage with them, listen to them, encourage them, hold the accountable, but most of all let them know you love them. Drop your ideas, concerns and ways you have found to communicate with your teen that works.
Yours truly, T 